i like now for now. please dont ruin it.

sometimes as human beings, we try to block out the inevitable. and here i am, trying to be strong and yet wanting to chid myself for thinking way too much into the future. (no i'm not talking about the alvl results being release on friday because its a whole different stupid story).

now i feel that as if i'm painting myself a life on this stupid blog because i have to be careful to not reveal too much thats really happening now in fear that it might actually ignite an unnecessary event that i would have otherwise, preferred to completely steer clear off. haha. what the hell. what a wimp.

recently i felt compliant to do certain stuff. and after that feeling passes, i wonder why. every freaking time. now i've come to the point (for that situation) whereby i dont care if everything goes away or turns to hell because to me its better if there are no bloody strings attached! ha i'm actually pretty serious.

and i dont comprehend how one can be so positive about something when actually they arent even close to jackpot. at least carry some doubt be it externally or internally, right not. what happen to open-mindedness for everything else besides the topic on sexuality?

so maybe its the cranky period for me because of the release of results. or maybe its just a cancer thing.

ha i know tmr will be a better day.